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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Penny's InsaneJournal:
| Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 | |
| 10:57 am | And then I called the sleep clinic, they talked to me like I was an idiot for not getting the test I couldn't afford after I'd been feeling fine (re: the blood clot, not re: everything) for six weeks, they basically said I need to see the doctor-who-doesn't-take-Medicare-whose-r |
| Tuesday, October 20th, 2009 | |
| 5:11 pm | You know, I find it very hard to be sympathetic to some members of the fat acceptance movement online when they seem to think it's acceptable to tell a thin woman that she should go and eat a cheeseburger, or when they refer to magazines using bigger women (a fantastic move, IMO) as "featuring 'real' women", or persisting in using descriptors such as "toothpick" and "chicken legs" whilst ranting at anyone who uses fat-related equivalents. Current Mood:  annoyed |
| Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 | |
| 11:52 pm | It's so nice to know that I matter so little to my brother that he has time to post multiple movie reviews on his LiveJournal, but not enough time to reply to an email I sent a month ago asking the family if they want to come to my place for dinner for a joint birthday thing. Joint between me, my twin brother, and the brother in question. So, yeah. Nice to know. Thanks a bunch, James. |
| Saturday, October 10th, 2009 | |
| 7:47 am | Sooooooooooooooooooo hungover. First hangover ever = UNPLEASANT. Going back to bed. ILU all. |
| Thursday, October 8th, 2009 | |
| 12:28 am | Tomorrow, I am having some groceries delivered. I will divide up the vanilla yoghurt, mixed berry muesli, and macadamia and hazelnuts into single-serve portions, so that I can have one for breakfast every day. I will keep my chocolate biscuits by my computer, for the occasional indulgence; I will not buy another pack of them for two weeks. I will BAKE. Oh so many biscuits will I bake. (I may have marshmallows in my cocoa.) |
| Tuesday, September 29th, 2009 | |
| 2:16 pm | ( Packing ) |
| Sunday, September 27th, 2009 | |
| 5:31 pm | Because. Meme me. 1. Does your character believe in true love or soul mates? Love at first sight? 2. Are they or have they ever been in love? 3. What are their general feelings about sex? 4. How do they feel about sex without love? 5. What about sex before marriage? 6. What counts as cheating and is cheating forgivable? 7. Have they or would they ever cheat? 8. Are they a virgin? 9. First partner? Most recent? 10. What sort of experience do they have with sex? 11. Do they have any fetishes or fantasies? 12. How comfortable are they with their body? 13. With their partner's body? 14. Who gave them "The Talk"? 15. Do they have any special skills? 16. Post-sex habits? Weird habits? Anything else? (Ficlets are being worked on, slowly. I've not been in a writing mood lately.) |
| Thursday, September 24th, 2009 | |
| 5:17 pm | Today, O IJians, I started bleeding from my navel! |
| Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 | |
| 6:24 am | So, outside right now? The sky is red, and there is a very high wind. If any of you are Doctor Who fans, then think Forests of the Dead, in the cyber-world where the kids are asking what's wrong with the sky. Not quite that red, but it's pretty close. I can't see more than a few houses away, and while I can hear the odd car or two, mostly it's silence and wind. It seriously feels like Doomsday. Of course, there's a simple explanation - there are near gale-force winds in Sydney today, and they're raising a lot of dust - but dude, this shit is creepy. No back to bed for me, not until the sky comes back. Current Mood: DOOMSDAY Current Music: DOOMSDAY |
| Saturday, September 19th, 2009 | |
| 11:41 pm | Teaching myself how to knit, la la la. (Ficlets are still being worked on. Slowly. I've not been in much of a writing mood lately.) |
| Sunday, September 13th, 2009 | |
| 8:05 pm | Dear world, If you're going to bitch at fat people for never exercising, it might be a good start to provide exercise gear in fat-people sizes that won't fall apart after one use. It's kind of hard to exercise without it, since most people get kind of huffy about people exercising naked. In other words? Can't find a swimsuit that fits my boobs and my belly for less than $110. ANNOYING. |
| Sunday, September 6th, 2009 | |
| 4:52 am | Eating lemon sorbet and then drinking Diet Coke makes my mouth tingle. I am working on ficlets; now is not the best time of year for me, so they may be slow, but they are being worked on. |
| Tuesday, September 1st, 2009 | |
| 5:11 pm | Stolen from Kassie! ( Cut for Big Damn Table ) |
| Saturday, August 29th, 2009 | |
| 11:06 pm | ARGH I hate American and British school year timetables. I suspect I have fucked up birthdates. ARGH I SAY. |
| Wednesday, August 5th, 2009 | |
| 8:05 am | I think it says something about me that I have a Twitter for a roleplaying character but not myself. |
| Tuesday, July 28th, 2009 | |
| 11:47 pm | The hardest part about making Anzac biscuits is resisting the urge to eat all the dough before they even get in the oven. (I am baking at ten to midnight. This is perfectly normal.) |
| Tuesday, June 30th, 2009 | |
| 8:16 pm | Back from a week at hospital. On Monday, I started noticing pain when I breathed too deeply. It got worse on Tuesday, boy I thought it was just dehydration. Wednesday it got bad enough that the boy drove me to the emergency department, where I spent a night going "ow" and getting x-rays and blood tests, whilst doctors bandied around possible diagnoses of cartilage strain or cracked ribs. Thursday morning I was to get a CT scan done. I tried to lie flat on the machine, and I could not take a breath. The pain in my back and chest was bad enough that I literally couldn't take a breath of longer than half a second. That test was out, as I'd have to stay still for eight minutes and I couldn't stay still for eight seconds. So I had a different test done that let me sit up, where I could breathe slightly better, and they admitted me that night with a diagnosis of probable pulmonary embolism, or a blood clot in my lung. Five days, several injections and pills later, and I am home. I have to have a community nurse visit twice a day for a week to take blood and check the levels of various things, to sort out my dose of blood thinners. I'm going to have to be on blood thinners for a while, possibly for the rest of my life -- more medication, not that much of a change, what with the insulin, Lexapro, birth control -- and I need to sort out my weight with more urgency than before. I do not ever want to go through that sort of pain again. I have so much to catch up on. |
| Thursday, June 18th, 2009 | |
| 1:03 am | Wah. I cannot make Anzac biscuits, because moths got into the rolled oats. (The rest of the stuff in that cupboard seems okay. I will give it a thorough going-through tomorrow, when I can make noise to my heart's content.) Also, our oven has this fuse that likes to trip every time it thinks the oven is getting too hot. This makes baking an interesting process, since "too hot" seems somewhat subjective. It will be worth it, though, when we have chocolate-vanilla marble cake and snickerdoodles. |
| Wednesday, June 10th, 2009 | |
| 9:24 am | Depression is back with a vengeance, this time joined by hormonal reinforcements courtesy of my starting birth control. Fun story: I probably have PCOS. The gynocologist told me this, and then went "and I'm not giving you any medication, because you need to lose weight" and shoved me out of the room, having seen me for a total of about ten minutes, five of which were answering the "do you smoke, are you pregnant" questions, five of which were him lecturing me about how I need to control my weight and my diabetes better. Uh, guy, did you miss the part where I'm ten kilos lighter than I was two and a half years ago, and the part where I tried to kill myself three years ago? And the part where I'm only now getting better? Oh, and also the part where every member of my family, except for my oldest brother (who was an undiagnosed diabetic for so long that when he was diagnosed, his weight had dropped down to 35 kilos. This is... a bit less than eighty pounds, for a fourteen-year-old boy. He has never been able to gain weight properly since then), is overweight? My father had two surgeries for weight problems, including gastric banding, and still died morbidly obese. I'm not overweight because I eat too much. I'm overweight because of genetics, because when I was young we were technically impoverished but didn't qualify for government assistance and thus had to eat cheap-and-crappy food, because my metabolism is fucked from the year I spent living off pasta and canned mushrooms because after rent and medication I had $100 a week to get me to work and to buy groceries with, because exercising is fucking hard when a) you have joint problems and ankle issues and b) you're so badly depressed that sometimes it's hard to even get out of bed, because I don't eat regularly or enough so my body hoardes because it thinks I'm going to starve. Most of this is my fault, yes, but I need my doctors to at least understand that some of it isn't, that I've been overweight since I was a child and that it's not all because I'm a lazy slob who eats all day. So, yes. No medication, just "you're fat, stop being fat". So, a couple weeks later, I went to the first diabetic appointment I've had since I was eighteen. (You're meant to have them every four months or so. It's taken this long for me to trust doctors again since the one who told me that I couldn't breathe because I was fat, not because I had a lung infection that landed me in hospital when I fainted on the bus a few days later.) My endocrinologist, who is lovely, found out about the gyno, looked horrified and started me on hormonal birth control right away, because it turns out that if you don't shed uterine lining for as long as I've been not bleeding -- coming up on two years -- then your chances of uterine cancer are massively increased. She also got me to see a dietician who understands that my diet is a problem not because I overeat, but because I actively dislike eating and have spent the past many months having one meal a day. (This is improving now that I am living with people who are home more than just in the evening, because someone always prods me to eat lunch.) So I have birth control now. I did not miss the bleeding or the cramps or the way my emotions are all over the place right now -- I ended up crying while we were shopping for chairs because the prices weren't what they'd said on the website and I had gone to special trouble to list the ones I thought would be best, based on price and weight capacity -- but hopefully this will help settle some things, at least. |
| Saturday, May 23rd, 2009 | |
| 8:53 pm | Kassie, all my boys are sluts. :( Although, does Mousetrap count? Are you a slut if people keep coming on to you and you just don't turn them down, but don't actively seek out sex? |